Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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