I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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