I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
