I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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