My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize