He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
