Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
