is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
