She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was like eating out sand paper
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In other news, I just burned my penis
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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