I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i believe in u and ur pee
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
