I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
