At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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