It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
