Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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