I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
