We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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