i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
