So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
