Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
