awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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