I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
