I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
