i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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