Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
