every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
