Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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