I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't deserve a penis
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
