i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There r osticjed everywhere
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
