Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
