Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
