Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
