I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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