its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
