You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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