Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
