I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
