I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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