I want to walk on stilts...naked
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
