Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
