Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
