When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
