one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
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