we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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