hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
