just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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