I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
