u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
