I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
