38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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