Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize