overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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