I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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