wanna go halves on a baby?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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