I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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