is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
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