Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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