We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
