who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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