He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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