do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
