I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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