Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
