You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
