please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize