Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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