Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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