Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize