Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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