you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
