his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
