the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
