Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize