just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
