i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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