There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Welp...herpes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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