I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
