remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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