Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
