Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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