you guys were way drunker than both of me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
