Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize