And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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