i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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