Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
