Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
