that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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