i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
