Where is the hickey?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
