It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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