OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
