I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
