so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
