hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
