what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize