In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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