He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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