She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize