i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
